You have a target or perhaps several things you are after in life. Hitting that target, acquiring those things require action and most importantly the right frame of mind. Understanding the critical elements of how to control a mind will be one of your most beneficial life lessons.
So you set out to get a new result. Perhaps you’re going to start or grow your own business, maybe provide support to your aging parent or perhaps reconfigure your whole lifestyle for better health and personal happiness.
New Actions = New Results
It’s pretty much common knowledge that you don’t get new results by taking the same old actions and doing the same old thing. And if you’re going to be able to overachieve while overcoming all that fear inside of you, you obviously need to get a new result.
What we human beings can do is amazing, however, what we will do is usually… disappointing. That’s not to say that we’re not capable of amazing, but rather because we don’t take new actions, mainly due to certain emotional states we get ourselves into that dominate us. Emotional states like anxiety, fear of failure, fear of the loss and so on.
As an example, if you are in a state of fear you will behave very differently thus getting very different results as opposed to, let’s say being in a state of absolute confidence and courage. So, regardless of the situation, the most important key to changing your life and the results you have been getting is to change your behaviour. Now changing your behaviour means you have to change the emotional state you’re in!
This is where the majority of the population hit a wall. They simply have not been taught how to make that change and it feels overwhelming or impossible.
The state you are in, at any given moment, powerfully impacts the meaning that you associate or assign to something. When you are feeling great, things that would normally upset you just kind of bounce off.
We need to always be managing our individual state, it needs to a part of our life’s work, that’s just how important it is! Remember this critical fact; when you change the way you look at something you change the way you feel about it.
Feel Good All The Time
Your life’s work is really learning how to live in such a way as to spend most of your time enjoying yourself! When you feel good all the time the people around you feel good. You can deem yourself truly successful when you learn to live your life in a way where you experience tons of pleasure every day and almost no pain. The bonus is you will simultaneously cause the people around you to experience very little pain and tons of pleasure as well.
Now that doesn’t mean you go around trying to make everybody feel good. For some people feeling bad equals feeling good, in other words they think if they feel bad people will notice them more or love them more or help them more which translates as feeling good. Folks can have weird things going on inside their head about what it takes to get feeling good. Some people think they’re going to feel good when they make a billion dollars or when they acquire this thing or that thing. Others think, when they get married, have 5 children, have their business… than they’ll feel good.
The thing is you can just choose to feel good! It’s you who is in control and when you’re feeling good, by choice, it tends to make you want to feel even better. It makes you want to share good feelings with other people which in turn makes them feel good which than makes them reciprocate, usually, not always. So, the bottom line is we must manage our own state, we must change our state as required. The way you can do it is by changing your physiology, meaning the way you move, the way you breathe, your facial expressions and gestures. The way you use your body determines the way you feel, you have to remember that for the rest of your life. If you’re not feeling the way you want to feel first thing you do is just change the way you’re moving. Emotion is created by motion.
Limit Your Movement and You Limit Your Emotions
Some people have limited emotions because they have limited motion. The more motion you have the more emotion you have and those certain emotions you’re not feeling are because you’re not making certain movements. We’ve got to control our physiology throughout the day.
Remember to live at level 10, ask yourself on a scale from zero to ten where is my level of energy with zero is dead to ten being unstoppable. Which level is going to allow you to get more out the weekend? As you work at this you will develop stronger emotional muscle and pretty soon what used to be hard to do, like demanding ten, becomes the way you live.
The Power of Focus
Another way to manage your state is to change your focus, the way you’re representing things to yourself. Like picturing things in our head is one way we focus. When we change what we focus on we change what we feel. So if you wanted to feel depressed you just put yourself in a lousy physiology or you could mess up your biochemistry by eating in a way that drops your blood sugar to the floor or you could think of something that once happened and made you feel bad.
How intelligent would it be to go to a terrible movie over and over and over and over again? You know better, you don’t need to go those movies made by poor directors, lousy writers, lousy producers. You’re a better producer, director and writer. You’re probably a better actor or actress, so why not create the movie of your life in a way you want it instead of seeing the same old movies over and over again.
A coward dies a thousand deaths, a courageous woman or man only once.
There is one thing that will determine what you focus on and that is… the questions you ask yourself! The questions you ask yourself determine what you will focus on in that moment. Further to that, the kind of questions you ask yourself are quite usually controlled by your beliefs.
Ask A Better Question
You could ask any question, but unless you do it consciously you’ll just ask the same questions that are in alignment with your old beliefs. So the bottom line is to come up with better questions for yourself. Here’s an example of a better question you should learn to ask yourself the next time you get upset with someone for something they said or did… “what else could this mean?” Maybe what they said or did doesn’t mean what you think it means.
Maybe they weren’t really being harsh. Maybe what it means is they are stressed. Maybe what you think you’re hearing from that person is just not true, maybe it’s an distortion, not that they mean to distort but it’s just a distortion. Maybe what you’ve heard the person say about you is a deletion. Maybe the person is generalizing or maybe heard it through somebody else. Maybe they misinterpreted what was said. Maybe this whole thing isn’t accurate or maybe it’s accurate but they’re stressed. Maybe you’re just stressed right now and need to get more resourceful, be more loving.
So with all of these examples maybe you go ahead and apply your new power question, “what else could this mean”, to allow yourself a chance to go to the next level. You’re only upset when you’ve decided on a meaning that creates an upset in you! So if you’re feeling upset ask “what else could this mean” because again, perhaps you are wrong about what you thought
you heard only to discover, too late, that it was not what you originally thought at all.
Do your best to remember this new-found wisdom and as a first step to always ask “what else could this mean” and search for other possibilities!
Reopen The Doorway To Your Excellent Life
Always ask, what else could this mean:
with those you care about…
with people you don’t so much care about…
with individuals you don’t even know…
…and you will see your whole life open up and expand.
Once you think you know what everything means you’re in deep trouble. A renowned personal development coach puts it this way: ‘when you were a kid you your life was this big, giant doorway, but than you became an adult. You started saying “I know how this door works” and you began closing it a little bit at a time. As you closed it more and more you created a belief that you now know absolutely how the world works.
When you were a kid you didn’t know how the world worked, it was just amazing! The world was this amazing place of wonder, a place where you could learn so much, a place that stimulated you to grow in a positive way. You didn’t know for sure what everything was, you were always curious about what things were. But now as an adult you know what everything is and it doesn’t fit in this belief you created, it’s wrong and you won’t re-open the doorway by saying “well yeah but, what else could this mean?”
Control Your Emotions
What we really want to be able to do is take control of our emotions and we do that by paying close attention to them. The following is what are commonly recognized as negative emotions – fear, hate, anger, guilt, worry, frustration – but are they really negative. The answer is NO, there’s no way they’re negative. Every emotion you’ve ever had in your life serves a purpose. The problem, the reason an emotion appears negative is because you’ve been calling it negative instead of getting the real message it’s been trying to give you.
Every emotion you have, including those you think of as negative are emotional messages and a call to action. All those so-called negative emotions are really a call to action. Fear, for example, is a call to action. When you’re afraid your adrenaline starts pumping and your whole system starts gearing up emotions and the call to action saying one of two things has to happen: number one – you need to change your perception or number two – you need to change your current actions.
Every negative emotion you’ve ever felt is not negative at all, it’s just that you may be overusing them, indulging in them and not getting the real message the emotion is trying to give you. What makes an emotion negative is our indulgence in it, thereby allowing it to start screwing up our body because it is a signal to act.
Fear, frustration, hate, anger, guilt, all of those emotions are here to serve us but instead we indulge the emotion rather than hearing the actual message which is “you must change something”. Negative emotions are saying you’ve got to change something, change your perception, change your focus or change your actions. Change what you’re doing because it isn’t working and that’s why you’re having a poor experience with that emotion. Don’t make your emotions wrong, appreciate them, be grateful for them, but immediately ask yourself – “hey, what’s the message that my emotions are trying to give me here? What do I need to change?”
Click this link to read part 2 of this article >>> How To Control A Mind – Part 2 of 2
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